That’s how I feel, like I’m stuck in neutral with this cycle. After 17 days of Lupron – 10 days at 10 units a day and 7 days at 20 units a day – my u/s yesterday not only still showed the 5 follicles from last week, but they were bigger. The one that was at 2.2cm last week was at 2.86cm yesterday. My E2 came back at 290. I’m not sure what number they’re looking for, but I do know that 290 is high.
It’s really frustrating me.
The current plan is to keep on what we’re doing. I stay at 20 units for another week and go back to be checked next Wednesday.
My regular GYN, who I also saw yesterday, is of course mostly concerned about what those follicles could mean in terms of the cancer thing returning. When I told her that one was at 2.86cm, her eyes widened perceptibly. She wants me to go see the GYN oncologist, which I will, but I’m going to wait and see what happens with next week’s E2 test and u/s. If the follicles shrink, I don’t think I’ll worry about the GYN oncologist. She did a CA125, but reminded me that I know that a CA125 doesn’t really mean anything.
Honestly, I’m not as worried about the cancer thing as I was, because seeing that one follicle grow that much in a weeek had an oddly reassuring effect on me. My tumors never grew that quickly, so I doubt a new one would. I could be completely wrong about that, but I think this is just my stupid body being stubborn.
And that’s what frustrates me. It’s one thing if we do the IVF cycle, get to retrieval and transfer and it doesn’t work. It’s going to really piss me off if we never even get to try, though.
I guess I haven’t allowed myself to get too emotionally invested in this cycle, because I don’t really believe it’s going to work for me. I told Scott the other night that I haven’t connected the nightly injections in any way to the possible result of having a child. It’s just something I have to do every evening. In fact, in my head, it seems more to me like dealing with the cancer thing than trying to get pregnant.
Bleh. Just… bleh.