The First One Bites the Dust

IVF cyle #1 = officially cancelled

Dr. Italiano just called to tell me we were throwing in the towel. He called the Lupron “a fiasco” and said it was time to call it quits. So I’m starting birth control pills tonight and going back on the 27th to see how things are going. When we start the next cycle, it will be with Antagon instead of Lupron.

I was just telling Scott about this on the phone, and figuring that, for the purposes of our insurance company, this probably doesn’t count as an IVF cycle, since the IVF wasn’t actually done. He said that was true, but we bought all those drugs, to which I replied that we’d still be using them. He said, “Oh yeah, it’s only the depression drug we’re changing.” I laughed at that. He corrected himself to “suppression,” but I laughed more and told him, “No, I think you were right the first time. Lupron IS a depression drug!”

Mostly, I’m okay with cancelling the cycle. Obviously, this just wasn’t working. It’s a little upsetting, that my body couldn’t even get THIS right, but I’m trying to be kind to myself. Scott’s picking up a bottle of wine for tonight, and maybe if he reads this, he’ll also get me some cookies. Because cookies? They would be good right now. I’m not quite ready for floor-cake, though.

And, finally, from the Timing Is Everything Department: I barely had the phone back in its cradle after talking to Scott about this when an email came in from a friend, announcing that his girlfriend is pregnant. Surprise! And he sent it to eleventy-thousand people without BCCing, and they’re all hitting “reply all,” so I have to constantly keep being reminded of someone else’s pregnancy every time I check my email.

I’m happy for him. He’s going to make a great father, and I know that he’s always wanted kids. I just wish I wasn’t so sad for me.