You know what?

I lied in that last post. I’m NOT mostly okay with having the cycle cancelled. I’m relieved to not have to do any injections for a while, but I’m pissed off.

Really, really pissed off.

And it’s not even that I’m not pregnant that’s pissing me off. It’s because my body REFUSES to do ANYTHING right. It can’t even shut down properly. What the hell is THAT all about?

I try to be kind to my body. Or I try to wrestle it into submission. But either way, it mocks me.

I’ve tried everything over the past 7 years. Temping? Check. Charting? Check. Baby aspirin? Evening primrose oil? Guafenissen? Check, check, check. Accupuncture? Check. Ovulation predictor sticks, fertility monitor? Check and check. Green tea, rosehip seed oil, timed orgasms, flax seed oil, no oral sex, Vitamins E and C, raising my hips after sex… yes, all of them.

My body didn’t respond in any useful way to any of it.

Hell, I even tried that thing that’s supposed to be no fail: I relaxed. And I even started working toward adoption! I know, it’s unbelievable that someone could RELAX and work toward ADOPTION and STILL not be pregnant. Everyone always tells me how sure fire those things are, so I guess there must be something REALLY wrong with me.

Okay, now I actually feel better. I’ve moved from crying to sarcasm. That’s a more comfortable state of mind for me.


2 Responses

  1. Thank you so much for your good wishes.

    I’m so sorry to hear of your cancelled cycle, sh*t. I really hope you can get to go again soon – even though everything about it sucks.

    Hope you feel ok.

  2. Sorry about the cancellation. In a lot of ways this is such a lottery. I hope that the next cycle works with your body (its not your body–its the cycle!!) 🙂