Having those three embryos on board was the most pregnant I’ve been since we started trying to grow our family 7 years ago. It was a really good five days, before the first negative pregnancy test.
It’s now official: not pregnant. I got the results from the beta about an hour ago.
I’m actually handling it quite well. We ended up not going to Phil last night, because I was in a deep funk and couldn’t bring myself to even shower, let alone get dressed and make it downtown for a show. So I did my grieving last night, because I knew what today’s result was going to be. Getting the results of the beta was just a formality.
So, while I’m still sad and disappointed, I’m not crying and I’m not depressed. I’m wearing jeans, not sweatpants. That’s a huge improvement over yesterday.
The only thing that’s surprising me is that I’m not sure I want to wait until January for IVF #2 now. I wanted to give my body a break and get through the holidays, but now… now I’m thinking I may want to do back to back cycles. My brain knows that’s probably not good for me. I think I need a little rest. But my heart is clamoring to call the clinic on day 1 and get started again.
I told that to Scott so it could sink in with him a little before we talk about it.