It Was a Good Five Days

Having those three embryos on board was the most pregnant I’ve been since we started trying to grow our family 7 years ago. It was a really good five days, before the first negative pregnancy test.

It’s now official: not pregnant. I got the results from the beta about an hour ago.

I’m actually handling it quite well. We ended up not going to Phil last night, because I was in a deep funk and couldn’t bring myself to even shower, let alone get dressed and make it downtown for a show. So I did my grieving last night, because I knew what today’s result was going to be. Getting the results of the beta was just a formality.

So, while I’m still sad and disappointed, I’m not crying and I’m not depressed. I’m wearing jeans, not sweatpants. That’s a huge improvement over yesterday.

The only thing that’s surprising me is that I’m not sure I want to wait until January for IVF #2 now. I wanted to give my body a break and get through the holidays, but now… now I’m thinking I may want to do back to back cycles. My brain knows that’s probably not good for me. I think I need a little rest. But my heart is clamoring to call the clinic on day 1 and get started again.

I told that to Scott so it could sink in with him a little before we talk about it.


6 Responses

  1. F**k Kim – I am really sorry – I had such high hopes for your three – you had done so bloody well. I think you should do whatever feels is going to work for you. Assvice – for what it is worth – I would give yourself a few days and make a decision next week. Thinking of you. x

  2. I’m sorry, Kim. But I’m holding out lots of optimism because you’re such a great responder! May 2008 be your year!!!!!!!!!

  3. That sucks, but its great to know Kim-Ovary can crank out some good eggs. I hope next time it works.

    I’m still planning on going maturity bridesmaid gown shopping with you next spring.

  4. A little late, but I wanted to offer my support as well. I’m sorry you didn’t get better news.

    I’m adding you as a friend on Ravelry if that’s okay. Everytime I see a good post on the infertile myrtle board it ends up being you. And then I see you live fairly close by to where I work. You is my kind of peeps. 🙂