I’ve been handling this IVF stuff pretty well, I think. Yeah, there was a breakdown at the end of the first cycle when it didn’t end in pregnancy, but it was a fairly short-lived breakdown and I bounced back pretty quickly.
This current cycle, I’ve been bouncing through pretty well, staying upbeat and keeping my eye focused straight ahead on only the next hurdle – cyst aspiration, start stims, retrieval, etc. – so I was pretty surprised when we walked out the door last night and got in the car, and I immediately felt like crying. I held it together and didn’t, but I felt fragile and vulnerable, both physically and emotionally, all night long. That feeling of being about to start crying went away when we got into the show and I started talking knitting with MamaLo and chatting about Ravelry with Cricket and catching Bruce up on what F is up to these days and dissecting the previous two shows with a whole bunch of other people. I guess I forgot about feeling sad for a while.
Still, when the band started playing, I put Scott in front of me and stuck to him pretty closely, because those fragile and vulnerable feelings were still there. And yet, no one was as shocked as I was when the band broke into Storms and I practically started sobbing. It threw me; I didn’t think that song could affect me that much anymore, especially because I really thought that everything was okay. But, I guess it’s not.
The crying ended when Storms ended, thankfully, though I still spent the rest of the night keeping Scott really close and being a lot more clingy than normal. I guess this IVF thing is getting under my skin more than I realized.