The Old Man’s Getting Crazier All the Time

A few months ago, the Old Man flagged Scott down to ask him what we’ve been doing in the middle of the night. Perplexed, Scott asked the Old Man what he meant.

“That noise. That vibrating sound you’re making all night long in the middle of the night,” explained the Old Man.

Scott assured him that all we were doing in the middle of the night was sleeping, and he had no idea what vibrating noise the Old Man meant. He looked at Scott like he was lying, and then looked at him like he was crazy when Scott suggested he should speak to Weird Man and see if he knew what it was. As if the idea of Weird Man making strange noises in the dead of night was preposterous.

Scott was pretty put out by this conversation, as he often is when the Old Man accuses us of things and then thinks we’re lying when we deny it. This happens more often than you might think. A few nights later, though, we heard it: a pretty loud noice coming from outside that could, generously, be described as a vibrating noise. What it actually turned out to be was an FDNY ambulance, idling on the corner all night. They used to sit in the park all night, but they park people started gating the drive every night, so the ambulance couldn’t get in anymore. They sit in their assigned neigborhoods 24 hours a day, so that they’re close when a call comes in. The idle while they wait, because they have diesel engines that need to be kept warm.

So, the next day, Scott goes to the Old Man to tell him we discovered what the vibrating noise was. Surprised, the Old Man asked how we knew, and Scott explained about the ambulance. The Old Man’s reply?

“No, you know what it was? My doorbell was stuck!”

Yeah. His freakin’ doorbell was stuck. For WEEKS. And he accused us of keeping him awake at night doing gods know what to make this noise, and all but accused Scott of lying when he denied it. I’ll give you three guesses as to whether he apologized, and the answer isn’t “yes.”

Come to think of it, this reminds me a little of the time he thought he heard a jackhammer every morning.


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