In Which I List Things I Will Not Miss When We Move

  • Having people who come to the door knock on the windows in the front of the house instead of ringing the bell.
  • Likewise, and even worse, having people yell through the front windows instead of ringing the bell.
  • Late night drunken people yelling outside at 3am on a Tuesday.
  • Hordes of teenagers – also drunk – partying on the corner every night all summer long.
  • Fighting and yelling of obscenities by same said hordes.
  • The Old Man starting his lawnmower right outside our bedroom window at 8am on a Saturday.
  • Leaving same lawnmower running right outside the open bedroom window, forcing us out of bed lest we drift off into that sweet, final sleep known as carbon monoxide poisoning.
  • Field Trip Season in the park, which should be gearing up right around the time we move.
  • The shower that never keeps the same temperature for more than 15 seconds at a time, turning a 5-minute shower into a 20-minute shower with all that additional time needed to constantly adjust the temperature.
  • The Pay Phone Show.
  • The lack of storage.
  • How people stare at me as they walk by while I do dishes in front of the kitchen window that’s, you know, over the sink.
  • How the kitchen table is the launching point for cats to get to the island.
  • Constantly worrying about someone dinging my car, or worse, because it’s parked on the street.
  • Never being in control of the heat in the winter, and subsequently being boiled or frozen depending on someone else’s whim.
  • The yellow bathroom tile. And the blue bathroom fixtures.
  • Having only one bathroom. You may think one bathroom is enough for two people. It is not.
  • Worrying about disturbing someone else if we’re being loud late at night.
  • Creepy Guy wandering around outside the living room window cursing and talking to himself, and yelling, “BOOM!”
  • The Old Man carrying on loud conversations outside our open bedroom window at 7:15 on a Sunday morning.

I’m sure this isn’t a complete list, merely a starting point. Up next: things I will miss when we move.

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