Me: Please take all the pliers from the junk drawer and put them in the toolbox.
Him: Okay. Where are they?
M: …please take all the pliers from the junk drawer and put them in the toolbox.
H: I heard you. Where are they.
M: What did I just say to you?
H: Take all the pliers and put them in the toolbox.
Old Man: Hey, you like good movies?
What I said: Uh…
What I wanted to say: Oh no. We only like the bad ones.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t get a chance to do laundry today.”
“It’s okay, but I’m running out of clean underwear.”
“I know, right? It’s like I wear a pair every day or something!”
“I’m going to go get dressed. Would you mind doing me a favor and vacuuming up all the skin?”
“Can I peel some first? There’s a big one.”
“Okay, but it’s not satisfying. It only comes off in small pieces.”
“Damn. That sucks.”