Tag Archives: ivf 1.0

What next?

Published / by Kim / 2 Comments on What next?

I have no idea what comes next. This morning, I went in for blood and u/s after 15 days on birth control pills. Except that I misunderstood what Dr. Italiano was saying and SHOULD have stopped the BCPs 5 days ago. No big deal, they say.

Anyway, there are still 3 follicles there. Two are 25mm and one is 13mm or 14mm, I don’t recall exactly.

So, now I wait for the phone call and see what’s up.

Update: My E2 is very low, so yay for that. I didn’t think to ask for a number. The follicles that are still there are a litle smaller, so I’m going to stay on the BCPs until next Tuesday to see if they shrink any more. Whether they do or not, I think I’ll be starting Follistim next week! We’ll just start the cycle knowing that those follicles were existing.

Flutterings #14

Published / by Kim

Wednesday night, I indulged in baked ziti with meatballs, a bottle of chianti, and a berry tart. That, combined with the many lovely people who gave me shoulders to cry on, really helped get me past the angst I had from the cycle cancellation. When something goes wrong for me, I tend to need a period of time, usually no more than a day or two, where I can wallow in misery with complete abandon. Once the wallowing occurs, I re-gather my strength and will and move on. That happened by the time I got in bed on Wednesday, so now it’s about the future.

It’s incredibly strange to be taking birth control pills while trying to get pregnant, but they serve their purpose. Now I just need to make it through the next two weeks so we can start this all over again. I think I’m going to refer to the next IVF cycle as IVF v1.1. It needed a bug patch.

From the Good News Comes In Three’s Department:

1. My mother announced her engagement about a week ago. I’m so happy and excited for her. Wedding plans are moving swiftly, and she’ll likely be getting married next month, in the islands. How romantic is that?

2. My oldest friend and sometime commenter here, F., announced her engagement just a few days after my mother announced hers. I was deeply honored and flattered that F. asked me to be her maid of honor – and pleased that she didn’t use the term “matron of honor,” which I hate, even if I AM married – so I’m really excited about that. One of the othe bridesmaids and I have already been in touch about the shower. So exciting!

3. And, of course, the aforementioned friend’s girlfriend’s pregnancy. I really am happy for him, and I’ve already begun plotting baby knitting for his child.

Is it possible that good news ONLY comes in three’s? Not four’s?

Houston, we have poop. Demon has pooped. And pooped. And pooped. He’s not really eating much again just yet, but I think that will come, now that we stopped the laxative thing. When I had to do bowel prep the day before my last surgery, I wasn’t very interested in food, either, because the medicine you have to take makes you feel nauseous. I think that’s how Demon feels now.

The downside of all the pooping is that, well to be indelicate about it, he’s covered in it. As Scott and I stood near the kitchen island the other night, with Demon perched upon it, Scott holding him, and me cleaning the shit off my cat’s ass with a wet washcloth, we reflected upon how ready we are for the messes of parenthood. I’ve had to clean him up several times since then, as well.

That washcloth was tossed, by the way. Another one will be sacrificed today, when we indulge in the fun pastime called Bathing a Cat.

Wish us luck.

You know what?

Published / by Kim / 2 Comments on You know what?

I lied in that last post. I’m NOT mostly okay with having the cycle cancelled. I’m relieved to not have to do any injections for a while, but I’m pissed off.

Really, really pissed off.

And it’s not even that I’m not pregnant that’s pissing me off. It’s because my body REFUSES to do ANYTHING right. It can’t even shut down properly. What the hell is THAT all about?

I try to be kind to my body. Or I try to wrestle it into submission. But either way, it mocks me.

I’ve tried everything over the past 7 years. Temping? Check. Charting? Check. Baby aspirin? Evening primrose oil? Guafenissen? Check, check, check. Accupuncture? Check. Ovulation predictor sticks, fertility monitor? Check and check. Green tea, rosehip seed oil, timed orgasms, flax seed oil, no oral sex, Vitamins E and C, raising my hips after sex… yes, all of them.

My body didn’t respond in any useful way to any of it.

Hell, I even tried that thing that’s supposed to be no fail: I relaxed. And I even started working toward adoption! I know, it’s unbelievable that someone could RELAX and work toward ADOPTION and STILL not be pregnant. Everyone always tells me how sure fire those things are, so I guess there must be something REALLY wrong with me.

Okay, now I actually feel better. I’ve moved from crying to sarcasm. That’s a more comfortable state of mind for me.

The First One Bites the Dust

Published / by Kim

IVF cyle #1 = officially cancelled

Dr. Italiano just called to tell me we were throwing in the towel. He called the Lupron “a fiasco” and said it was time to call it quits. So I’m starting birth control pills tonight and going back on the 27th to see how things are going. When we start the next cycle, it will be with Antagon instead of Lupron.

I was just telling Scott about this on the phone, and figuring that, for the purposes of our insurance company, this probably doesn’t count as an IVF cycle, since the IVF wasn’t actually done. He said that was true, but we bought all those drugs, to which I replied that we’d still be using them. He said, “Oh yeah, it’s only the depression drug we’re changing.” I laughed at that. He corrected himself to “suppression,” but I laughed more and told him, “No, I think you were right the first time. Lupron IS a depression drug!”

Mostly, I’m okay with cancelling the cycle. Obviously, this just wasn’t working. It’s a little upsetting, that my body couldn’t even get THIS right, but I’m trying to be kind to myself. Scott’s picking up a bottle of wine for tonight, and maybe if he reads this, he’ll also get me some cookies. Because cookies? They would be good right now. I’m not quite ready for floor-cake, though.

And, finally, from the Timing Is Everything Department: I barely had the phone back in its cradle after talking to Scott about this when an email came in from a friend, announcing that his girlfriend is pregnant. Surprise! And he sent it to eleventy-thousand people without BCCing, and they’re all hitting “reply all,” so I have to constantly keep being reminded of someone else’s pregnancy every time I check my email.

I’m happy for him. He’s going to make a great father, and I know that he’s always wanted kids. I just wish I wasn’t so sad for me.