How in the world did that happen?
Let me start off by saying that it hasn’t been depression keeping me away. When I said I was over the failed cycle, I really meant it. Even my ass lumps are better now.
I think it’s just that I was all IVF all the time for a while, and I didn’t know how to get back into normal posting mode. So I plan to start doing that now. At least until the next cycle.
I swear to Jeebus, stopping progesterone has given me worse side effects than actually taking any of the other drugs. First, it was a day of feeling horribly ill. Woozy, sick to my stomach, weak. I think that was my body reacting to the sudden drop of progesterone. Luckily, that only lasted a day.
However, here I am two weeks after my last PIO injection, and my ass still hurts. Worse, it’s covered in red lumps that look suspiciously like hives. Red lumps that itch and are tender to the touch. Oddly, the lumps are in a ring surrounding the quadrant which was the injection site quadrant. The area the shots went into is smooth and lump free.
This is on both cheeks, and it’s making me miserable. This isn’t a side effect I’ve EVER heard of with PIO. Please tell me others have experienced this.
On a side note… how sexy am I, with my ass lumps? Oh yeah, baby.
First, let me say thank you for the kind words about yesterday’s negative test. Scott and I both really appreciate your thoughts and good wishes.
Second, we’ve made a decision about the next cycle. We’re going to take the next two cycles off, which should put us starting stims again some time between Christmas day and New Year’s Eve, assuming my natural cycle resumes pretty much the same as it was before all the drugs.
I considered starting a new cycle immediately, but there’s a lot of reasons not to do it that way. For one, we have a trip to Georgia in mid-November for my mother’s wedding celebration. The timing of a cycle right now could put us at retrieval during that trip. Obviously, that won’t work, and it’s a chance I don’t want to take.
Also, I’m feeling a lot of negative feelings about IVF at this moment, and I don’t want to carry that into the next cycle. Giving myself two natural cycles to get over that and enjoy the holiday season is a necessity. I want to go into the next cycle fresh and excited and full of positive thoughts. If I started stims next week, I wouldn’t be able to do that.
So, late December it is.
Having those three embryos on board was the most pregnant I’ve been since we started trying to grow our family 7 years ago. It was a really good five days, before the first negative pregnancy test.
It’s now official: not pregnant. I got the results from the beta about an hour ago.
I’m actually handling it quite well. We ended up not going to Phil last night, because I was in a deep funk and couldn’t bring myself to even shower, let alone get dressed and make it downtown for a show. So I did my grieving last night, because I knew what today’s result was going to be. Getting the results of the beta was just a formality.
So, while I’m still sad and disappointed, I’m not crying and I’m not depressed. I’m wearing jeans, not sweatpants. That’s a huge improvement over yesterday.
The only thing that’s surprising me is that I’m not sure I want to wait until January for IVF #2 now. I wanted to give my body a break and get through the holidays, but now… now I’m thinking I may want to do back to back cycles. My brain knows that’s probably not good for me. I think I need a little rest. But my heart is clamoring to call the clinic on day 1 and get started again.
I told that to Scott so it could sink in with him a little before we talk about it.