Tag Archives: scott

Give Me Back My Brain

Published / by Kim / 1 Comment on Give Me Back My Brain

The other night, over dinner, Scott and I were discussing the fact that we have so many friends who don’t have children and how that’s been good for us, since we don’t have to be confronted with small children very often*. During the course of the conversation, Scott mentioned a chat he had with a childfree friend a few years ago. He told me the friend and his wife chose not to have children but were regretting it now.

I put down my fork and stared at Scott in disbelief. Eventually he ran out of words and realized I was staring at him. He mistook my shock as being about never knowing this about the friends and said, “What? I’m sure I told you about that. I think it was in Stroudsburg in the basement that time.”

“Babe,” I said, “that was my discussion with So-and-So. I had that talk with him, and I told you all about it. You’re appropriating my memories again.”

It’s rare that I can point to hard proof of this happening, as I can with this particular event because I blogged about it two years ago when it happened, but it’s not at all uncommon for Scott to steal my memories and pass them off as his own. ┬áMaybe it’s because we hear each other’s stories so many times that we think they happened to us, or maybe it’s because people who are together a long time really do share only one brain, but it happens more and more the longer we’re together and I suspect it’s a peculiar quirk of long term relationships. The lines blur between self and the other person who becomes an extension of self.

In my relationship, it’s generally Scott who does the stealing. Maybe it’s because he’s the more forgetful one by nature** and my memories just slide in and fill the gaps left in his own memories. Whatever it is, I think our memories are well and truly tangled together at this point.

*I’ve come a long way in acceptance, but being around lots of little kids or people who talk about their kids all the time can still be hard at times.

**I’m cursed with a horribly good long term memory. And yes, it is a curse, because I remember bad things as vividly as good.

About That Tagline

Published / by Kim

Some years ago, Scott and I were lamenting our lack of money and looking around our apartment. One of us asked how we could make so much more money than we did years earlier and still be so broke, still have nothing. The other one replied, “Yeah, but it’s a higher quality of nothing.”

Since then that’s been a running joke every time we compare our present life with our life from years ago. We still have nothing, but it’s a higher quality of nothing. Recent developments, of course, have led us to actually have something. It’s still a constant striving, though, to go from a higher quality of nothing to something. A work in progress which is progressing slowly.

The Seal of Approval

Published / by Kim / 2 Comments on The Seal of Approval

Scott and I were sitting in the NY Presbyterian imaging center while I drank the yucky contrast stuff for my CT scan yesterday and I started rummaging around in my purse. I haven’t cleaned that purse out in a while and useless thing after useless thing got pulled out. A 32GB SD card we bought for the car but don’t use because navigating through music with it is slow. A thumb drive containing the graphics for a friend’s bridal shower invitations… from three years ago. Various hair ties and barrettes. Expired metrocards. You know, the kind of essential things I really need to lug around with me everywhere.

Way at the bottom I spied a red Sharpie. Gods only know why and how long ago it ended up in there, but there it was. Before I knew what I was doing, I snatched it up, pulled off the cap, and drew a perfect little red check mark on Scott’s hand.

He gave me a quizzical look. “You’ve been approved,” I explained.

It only took him fifteen-and-a-half years, but he now has an official seal of approval. And why not? He certainly earned it. This is the guy who spent every day in the hospital with me during my two recent stints as a patient. His days were filled with worry, boredom, and stress as he drove to and from the hospital, sat around watching me sleep, worried while I went through surgery or tests. When he finally got home every night, it was to three demanding little beasts who needed him to care for them and a house that needed straightening up. Every night he fell exhausted, physically and emotionally, into bed, only to get up and do it again the next day.

When I was in the ER, in pain and scared, he read to me. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. He did voices and everything.

It was when I got home from the hospital, though, that his real work started. The cleaning and cooking and laundry. The shopping and fetching and carrying. Helping me up and down when I couldn’t move on my own. Making sure all my medications were taken on time. He’s been a virtual teetotaler during a time he really could have used a stiff drink, just in case something went wrong and he had to rush me to the hospital. Panic that he might flail in his sleep – possible but unlikely – and hit me in the belly had him sleeping on the couch for weeks, even after he went back to work.

In times of adversity, couples can break or grow stronger. I am so fortunate that Scott and I have always grown stronger, no matter what the world throws at us. Most of the credit for that goes to Scott, who handles it all with grace and love, even when he’s frazzled and fried. A seal of approval is the least of the gratitude I owe him.